Let The Houston Rockets Trolling Begin!


If you spend any amount of time on social media, you’re well aware of the increased amount of trash talking that takes place during the playoffs. And who catches the brunt of fans’ vitriol year in and year out? Why, the teams that manage to stick around the longest, of course.

Which is why Houston fans need to prepare themselves for the inevitable troll-fest about to kick off if/when the Warriors finish off the Rockets in this year’s Western Conference Finals.

In an effort to help prepare you to do just that, I’ve compiled a list of the trolls that you’re most likely to encounter should the Rockets finally bow out of this year’s playoffs, along with their go-to move: the jab they love to stick in your face should you dare to challenge them. I’ve even provided a hashtag for each of them, so we can all delight in the fact that we knew their mindless drivel was coming before they even hit the “Tweet” button on their Twitter app.

In no particular order, they are:


Mavs Troll made headlines earlier in the playoffs when he got all self-righteously butt hurt at the “Emoji-on-Emoji” violence depicted on the Rockets’ official Twitter feed just prior to Houston completing its five game annihilation of Dallas in round one. He occasionally poked his head out from under his “1st Round Exit Rock” earlier in the Clippers series and is revealing himself more frequently now that the Warriors hold a commanding 3-0 series lead over the Rockets.

Go-To Move: Bringing up the Cowboys. The argument that the Mavs are better than the Rockets either now or historically speaking holds no water whatsoever, so be prepared to hear about the Cowboys and how awesome they are. Or should I say, were. Decades ago.

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  • #SpursTroll

    You wouldn’t expect to hear much from a team who choked away an opportunity to snag the #2 seed in the West on the final day of the season and subsequently bowed out in the first round. But trust me: Spurs Troll is readying his barrage of anti-Rockets propaganda as we speak.

    Go-To Move: Bringing up the five rings the Spurs won during the Tim Duncan era. He’ll conveniently leave out the part where the Spurs tanked the 1996-97 season to increase their odds at landing Duncan, then somehow managed to out-luck the hapless Celtics, who had TWO lottery picks and a 36% chance of winning the lottery that year. As for the first round exit against the Clippers? Why live in the present when the past is so much happier? (See also: #CowboysTroll)


    Another troll who is ready to crawl back out from under the rock he was rightfully hiding under after the Rockets reminded him that, even with a 3-1 series lead, they’re still the Clippers.

    Go-To Move: Claiming that the Rockets didn’t win, the Clippers lost. Why this matters – I mean, the result is the same either way – is still a mystery, but don’t waste your time trying to impart logic on a troll. He’s a fan of the Clippers, so cut him some slack and just ignore.


    Lakers Troll can also be referred to as the Kobe Bryant Troll, since no Laker fan in his right mind would be trash talking anyone after the dumpster fire that has been their franchise these last few seasons.

    Go-To Move: Comparing Kobe to whatever superstar player still remains in the playoffs. Lakers/Kobe Troll diverts attention away from the team by reminding you how great Kobe was. He’s the basketball equivalent of Cowboys Troll, although at least he hasn’t been waiting since the Clinton administration for his team to win another title.

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    Warriors Troll is very confident. As well he should be. Stephen Curry is lighting up Houston and Golden State looks ready to steamroll its way to the NBA title. Warriors Troll has every right to talk smack to the Rockets, but…

    Go-To Move: Grossly overestimating Curry’s place amongst the all-time greats. Look, Curry has been the best player on the floor in every game this series, and arguably every game this postseason. But the comparisons to Jordan, Kobe, etc. are so grossly premature that it makes an otherwise likeable young superstar unlikeable. Let’s let Curry and the Warriors claim one championship before we start comparing them to those who have several.

    Otherwise #RocketsTroll will be all over them.

    Next: Houston Rockets: Where Do They Go From Here?