Pipebomb Series, Part 1: Houston Rockets And The Media

Red Nation, it has been a long, long time since I have provided my true opinion on something. Since it is the holiday season and I am in a giving mood, I am going to drop what I call a “pipebomb” about our Houston Rockets, the national media, and the lack of respect that our beloved team has been given.

Now, I am a WWE Superfan (don’t judge) and a “pipebomb” was used in the wrestling world, or “sports entertainment” universe by now UFC fighter Phil “CM Punk” Brooks. The term means: hold nothing back, it gives everything off the person’s chest. Frankly, he was the one who inspired me do this. (I’m doing one about the Texans also, stay tuned) So…

As a writer, I probably shouldn’t be doing this, but I could not resist.

The Rockets came into this season with less nationally televised games, less exposure, and I get that somewhat. LeBron James went to Cleveland, Miami still has two of the three that used to be the Heat Empire, Indiana was coming up (no PG-13 this season), Chicago finally had Derrick Rose back…with Pau Gasol. Along with the usual suspects, the Lakers (HA), The Celtics (HAHA), and the New York teams, the train wreck Knicks and the Nets (Meh).

What about your SW division foes? Well, the Spurs will Spur. The Mavs had recently got a familiar model formerly from Red Nation. Them Birds on Bourbon got better with a freak of nature known as the Unibrow…and a familiar Turkish center we all knew and loved(?). Grizzlies will ugly a game up real quick with Big Spain and Z-Bo, but win anyway.

Nov 2, 2013; Oakland, CA, USA; Golden State Warriors shooting guard Klay Thompson (11) celebrates with point guard Stephen Curry (30) after scoring a three point basket against the Sacramento Kings during the second quarter at Oracle Arena. Mandatory Credit: Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

One of the other media darlings, The OKC Thunder has the NBA’s nice guy, Kevin Durant… and his feisty cohort, Russell Westbrook. (Oh, and Thunder fans, let me whisper something in your ear…Beverley.) Golden State! Did I mention them? Super…SPLAAAAAAAAAAASH… BROTHERS! My God, are they good! “They can win the West!” said the media. “Stephen Curry, MVP!” They implored! They forgot to mention… They shoot threes damn near all the time. If that shot doesn’t go in, they are mortal.

So, I get it. The Rockets have a less sexy team than last year.

The Rockets traded Jeremy Lin to the basketball abyss, to a certain player in LA who won’t pass the ball. They let Parsons leave while waiting for Bosh to make his decision. We know how that went, right? But, whatever. The Mavs overpaid for a role player, the Heat are now below .500 and the Rockets only lost 5 games. We’re cool.

But what I do not get is those idiots on ESPN, TNT (ESPECIALLY TNT with Charles Barkley) saying that without those recognizable names, the Rockets are not a good team. “They’re a lower seed at best,” he said. Shut up. You didn’t do crap for the Rockets anyway. You and Pippen. Ok, so the Rockets went defensive this offseason, after striking out on the big free agents this past summer. I would say they are doing just fine. Without HALF OF THE DAMN TEAM, TOO. Without Isaiah Canaan, the team’s future at point guard, Kostas Papanikalaou, Francisco Garcia (Regardless how much people trash him, he plays good defense), Terrence Jones, their starting power forward… and Dwight Howard. Which brings me to Shaq.

Dec 21, 2013; Auburn Hills, MI, USA; Houston Rockets power forward Dwight Howard (12) makes a dunk during the second quarter against the Detroit Pistons at The Palace of Auburn Hills. Mandatory Credit: Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports

Now, I love Shaq. He is funny on TNT and NBATV, but his criticism on Dwight is un-freaking-real. It’s like ever since that dunk contest when people called him “Superman,” he lives vicariously through him in a way. OH WAIT. It is. My God, it’s unfair. It’s like they want him to be Shaq and Hakeem combined. I don’t think that’s his game. I think he plays better face up and with simple pick-and-rolls with James Harden. Dwight, we in Red Nation love you, bro. Get back on that court soon, but play like you. Stop trying to be Hakeem. There is and only will be one Hakeem. Play like Dwight Howard.

My next thing is the things about Harden and the national media. Harden does play defense now. In fact there are a whole series of highlights on YouTube made by one of my Twitter followers (and Red Nation Army brethren, squad. Shoutout to him) of Harden blocking shots, contesting shots, intercepting passes and so on. But nooooo, BSPN…Oops. ESPN wants to play the EXACT SAME Harden defensive fail from the same game and the same play. But, but…ESPN. I’ve seen your savior Lebron do that! How come he isn’t ridiculed? (And LeBron is my favorite player in the league.)

Every single one of them questions the defense of him. You idiots, they pay you to watch the games! Not the freaking highlights on SportsCenter! The reason why I founded the Red Nation Army is to defend our squad at all costs. The Rockets have officially taken the place of the Heat as “Most Hated Team” in the NBA. Why? Because Dwight left Kobe in LA, what nobody had the testicular fortitude to do willingly, and Lakers are acting like that hot chick who never gets rejected. Well, that chick got rejected. Harden “ref baits” and “flops” all the time. Wait…WHAT? So…who doesn’t flop? Product of zone defense. Who doesn’t “ref bait?” Coaches teach that. (Ex. the “rip-through”) Come on now, people. Beverley “plays dirty.” Please. That’s just OKC Fans…that just came out a week ago. Please.