Are Houston Sports Reaching DEFCON 1?

Mar 28, 2015; Evansville, IN, USA; Florida Southern Moccasins fans cheer from the stands before facing the Indaina (Pa.) Crimson Hawks in the first half in the Division II national championship college basketball game at Ford Center. Mandatory Credit: Jamie Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports

Issue: College Students Drinking Something Called a “Hyper Viper”

DEFCON Level: 0

Reasoning: Seriously, guys?

Congratulations, you just broke the DEFCON scale. I don’t know what they’re teaching you right now, but it can’t be this. Normally, the DEFCON scale stops at level 1. However, recently, I learned on Twitter that college students are buying the 40-ounce

premium

malt liquor brand King Cobra, drinking them half-way down, re-filling them back up with the once-banned, (highly frowned upon) alcoholic, energy drink Four Loko and then consuming the contents in it’s entirety.

Kids, if someone asks, 64-ounces of shitty malt liquor don’t count as one drink even if you funneled all of it into one 40-bottle.

Also, stop drinking Hyper Vipers…

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Next: Where Does Capitan Correa Fall On The Scale?