Is Bill O’Brien The Answer For Houston?

Ole’ Ole’ Ole’ Ole’ Ole’ Ole’ Ole’ Ole’… Ole’ Ole’ Ole’ Ole’ Ole’ Ole’ Ole’ Ole’… What a glorious day! Go outside and swallow some of that 60 degree air. Today is the last day of this wretched Houston Texans season. Engulf that (expletive).

Oh, and for those of you that were whittling wood and slapping spoons on their knees yesterday. The Texans are trying to workout a deal with Bill O’Brien, to become the new head coach (according to ESPN.com). In fact, per Ian Rapoport, Bill O’Brien is confident that he is getting the job.

To quote Scooby Doo, “RUH ROH, RAGGY!”

If you’re not excited about this, well then… I have plenty of words for you.

Channel that inner conspiracy theorist. Piece together all of the elements of this situation. Back in March, Bill O’Brien reconstructed his contract. He changed his NFL buyout amount from $13 million to $6 million. He knew that he was going to get an NFL job.

The Texans fired Gary Kubiak about a month ago (and I’m still celebrating). It was implied, that Gary wasn’t playing ball with the front office. Even with his job was on the line, he put in CERTAIN players, because they were “BFFs”, instead of doing what would be in the best interest of the franchise.

Side note: Gary was like the ex-girlfriend that wouldn’t leave soon enough. “This is me leaving.” Opens door. Takes one step out. Then looks back and says, “Once I walk out this door…” You yell back, “PLEASE LEAVE! We had something special at one time. But now, I hate you. You make me miserable. JUST GO. I HATE YOU!!!!” Then you ball up on the floor, and debate running full speed into the wall. Because knocking yourself unconscious means you don’t have to see this person.

Okay, back to what I was saying. The timing was perfect on the Texans end. They wanted the first pick of the litter when it came to coaches.

Simple enough – Lock up the best coach before anyone else gets a chance to interview him.

Who was the hottest NFL coaching prospect walking into the offseason, other than Bill O’Brien? Don’t tell me, Kevin Sumlin or David Shaw. Those names were off the table. Also, until I see Gruden or Cowher say that they’re interested in coaching again, they’re removed from the list as well. (It doesn’t count when Gruden says during MNF – “You know Mike, that kid is a heck of a player! Did you see how he got up and down the field? Man… He’s good. I wouldn’t mind coaching that kid one day!”

Sweet 7 lb 3 oz, tuxedo shirt, baby Jesus! Did Rick Smith strum up this plan? Was this his intention? Do we have a competent GM? I hope that is the case. (shakes hands in air and looks to the heavens)

As a coach, O’Brien has almost made people forget about the disgusting madness, that happened at Penn State. Like a doctor, he surgically fixed that program.

He’s Boston-Irish with a temper. This is the exact opposite of what we use to have in Kubiak. This Houston Texans team is aching for this kind of leadership. Besides Brian Cushing, can you name a leader on this team that is outspoken? Even Cushing is tame in the medias eye. This team needs someone vocal, loud, and more than willing to snap a clipboard over his knee, at any moment. No one in that locker room is going to do it. So our coach is going to have to be that guy.

Leadership is what this team has been missing. It’s what has set them back this season. No one is held accountable for their actions. Matt Schaub was benched out of dumb luck. Derek Newton is still starting. Arain Foster is allowed to fake injuries (Seriously, what’s his deal? Did he take the year off to get plastic surgery or something? I don’t get it).

One last note on hiring O’Brien. It would shut up Boston Globe sports writer Dan Shaughnessy. That guy loves hating on Houston. Ever read any of his work? Do yourself a favor and don’t waste your time. Houston is his personal punching bag. I take offense to this, because he just doesn’t leave it at, “Houston is a bad team.” He goes full “8 Mile B-Rabbit Rap Battle” on Houston. Dissecting the city and teams thoroughly. If you love your city, this kind of trash talk in journalism is uncalled for.

I feel like I’m not doing enough justice on Shaughnessy. Take a bite out of this:

"What about Houston itself? Easy to mock, no?Houston gave Boston baseball Carl Everett and Roger Clemens. The Houston Rockets were the foils in two of the three championships of the Larry Bird era. Who could ever forget Ralph Sampson tangling with Jerry Sichting?” – Dan Shaughnessy"

But Marcus, this is old news? Maybe. And maybe, I just refuse to let “Houston Hate” walk this earth, because I love this city (I watched American Me, yesterday. So I’m feeling extra prideful today).

Shaughessy isn’t going to attack one of his own. A Boston boy that was with the Patriots. Just kidding. He’ll still troll Houston. Kicking a team when they’re down isn’t hard. Troll harder, BRO! (That Shaughessy rant escalated quickly).

What I’m getting at is, O’Brien would be a solid hire.

I wouldn’t be surprised if O’Brien told McNair – “You tell the NFL I’m coming… and hell’s coming with me, you hear?!”

Pull that trigger, Mr. McNair.