John McClain Ruins Houston's Saturday Morning!


Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

What the f……………………………… Seriously, John McClain! What are you doing? Why?

According to John McClain of Chron.com, the latest developments mean the Texans will take a Quarterback with the top pick.

By signing quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick and trading Matt Schaub to Oakland, the Texans have given another indication they plan to use their first-round pick on a quarterback.

You can see the rest of the post here. Just make sure you’re a Chron.com subscriber, or else you’re left speculating.

Here are my thoughts on these “developments”:

1.) John McClain posted this around midnight. I understand the sports world doesn’t sleep, but I do. We all can’t be Adam Schefter, who’s job consists of blowing rails at strip clubs all night, and receiving a text message from an inside source (that’s just an assumption on my part, Shefter might be a church going individual, despite his snake-like appearance).

John, Monday, during working hours, work the best for me. You’re interrupting my “Vato-time”, which is me, cutting my lawn. John, work with me on this.

bort2.) As much as, I would love to see John McClain eat the front page of the Houston Chronicle. I do not want to see the Houston Texans draft a quarterback, with the first pick of the draft.

Blake Bortles, who I assume is the front runner, looks like an underdeveloped Matt Schaub. The only difference is Blake Bortles runs at “1-Turtle Speed”, compared to Matt Schaub’s “3-Turtle Speed” pace.

Teddy Bridgewater, has a ZERO “wow factor”, tied in with his pirate peg legs. The guy couldn’t even hit scripted passes at a Pro Day. Are you kidding me? What kind of Mickey Mouse flop is that? That’s like forgetting to take your clothes off before taking a shower. How do you f that up?

Then we have Johnny Manziel. The same Johnny Manziel that was at the Houston Rockets game the other night, sitting with Arian Foster. I bet they chatted about banging randos. Manziel has Ryan Leaf written all over him.

3.) Rick Smith is a time-suck. As the Houston Texans GM, he excels at wasting our time as fans. The last time I checked, about seven years worth of time. If he f’s up this first pick, he will be more hated than Matt Schaub. I don’t think that Rick wants those problems. Matt Schaub was one pick 6 away, from getting prison shanked on the streets of Houston. No pressure, Rick.

If drafting a player is based off of raw talent and size, with a proven track record. Then the obvious choice for the first pick of the draft is Jadeveon Clowney.

My morning is officially ruined. If you need me, I’ll be taking out my aggression on my lawn.

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Tags: Houston Texans

  • Toni McPherson

    I couldn’t agree more. Don’t do it, Rick. I am hoping that the Rockets game was Johnny’s “thank you for coming to visit; now go home” parting gift.

  • Ryan Simmons

    If we don’t get Clowney, I’m going to combust.

  • marcusdoesurmom

    I’ve never used a weed eater so aggressively in my entire life.

  • Vick Mcfadden

    Johnny Football.