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Sh*t That Athletes Do: Tracy McGrady


Tracy McGrady wants to play baseball? Say whaaaaa… Jeff Van Gundy broke the news a couple of days ago. What took so long for this info to get passed around? JVG, needs to get back on his tweet game. This is what happens, when people don’t tweet. Info gets passed along slower than Paul Revere’s midnight ride. Sorry, I’m having some “first world problems” this morning.

The best part about all of this, is that Roger Clemens is training him. Roger effing Clemens! Could this get any better? Now, I don’t mean to sound like my girlfriend, and just assume things… but I’m guessing that the training includes a lot of talk about medical marijuana.

I would love to see McGrady be successful at this pipe dream, but I’m not sure if his knee is going to hold up. He is throwing 90 mph and I have been wrong before. “So you’re saying there’s a chance?!” Yep, there’s always a chance. Let’s take a look at some, “You’re doing what now?” second careers of former athletes.

 

Michael Jordan – Too easy. Oh and by the way, anyone who swears that MJ and the Bulls would have won eight straight NBA titles if he didn’t “retire” to play baseball, Vernon Maxwell says otherwise. Houston was 5-1 when Maxwell started against the Michael Jordan lead Bulls, between 1991 and 1993.

 

Shaquille O’Neal – AKA Shaq Diesel, the rapper. Ugh. What’s stupid is that I thought this was cool when I was a child. I hate myself for this. Shaq didn’t necessarily bomb with his rap career. In fact, if you go to New Zealand you might catch his song, “Strait Playin” in the club. Bugs Bunny even made a cameo in his music video, “What’s Up Doc? (Can We Rock). That song is a nastier earworm than the “1 877-k-a-r-s kars 4 kids” commercial.

He’s currently (expletive) the bed at his career as an NBA analyst. Shaq has made watching TNT’s Inside The NBA, intolerable. I get more insightful information about the NBA on Cat-Bounce.com , than anything that comes out of Shaq’s mouth.

 

“Macho Man” Randy Savage – Is it weird that both Macho Man and The Kool-Aid Man, busted through walls and yelled “Ohhhh Yeahhh!”? Macho Man, use to play baseball in the Cardinals, Cubs, and White Sox systems, before he decided to throw on a bandanna and hate Ric Flair. As a wrestler, it’s safe to say that he was pretty successful.

I’m not sure what drug induced binge manipulated his brain to think that releasing a rap album was a good idea.  But honestly, Macho Man’s album, “Be A Man”, was nothing short of magical.  Oh you ‘ve never heard of it? Well then, you’re welcome. RIP Macho Man.

 

Jose Canseco – Here’s what I know about steroids, it can make a person “stronger”, help with hand-eye coordination, and help someone recover faster from injury. Steroids can also turn someone into Jose Canseco. After a number of years at cheating at baseball, he decided, that he was going to take his steroid induced anger to the ring, and try out boxing.

In 2010, Canseco lost a match to a 60 year old man. That’s a tad embarrassing. I wonder how many baseball bats he broke over his knee when he got home.

 

So what have we learned from all of this? If Tracy McGrady just stays out of the rap game, doesn’t do steroids, and avoids tips from Shaq he’ll be fine.

Good luck Tracy, you have my support. Just don’t go out there and do anything stupid.

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