Why You Don’t Want Matt Schaub to Start

Mandatory Credit: Thomas Campbell-USA TODAY Sports

When I was on the phone with a client yesterday, I decided to check Twitter. That lovable social media demon rocked my world, when I stumbled upon this:

"Matt Schaub replaces the injured Case Keenum. Last season, he threw 4 TD passes and Texans won at Denver. What a difference!” – John McClain ‏@McClain_on_NFL"

I’m not sure what came over me. Chaos broke out. I threw papers in the air and kicked through my cubicle wall. I pretty much pulled a Hurricane Katrina throughout the office. But this was a man-made hurricane. A hurricane that was built on eight years of frustration with football, unraveling in front of coworkers.

I’m currently typing this in a candlelit setting in the women’s restroom at work. I have a blanket over my head, and I’m snacking on an apple.

The news of Matt Schaub starting against Denver may not be a big deal to you. But I want you to know that you should be very concerned about it.

It’s safe to assume that he will get cut at the end of the season. But what if Schaub plays like the second coming of Charlie Sheen and singlehandedly beats Denver? Could that spark a change of heart in Rick Smith and Bob McNair?

Remember David Carr? He had that shaggy hair that flowed in the wind like a Hair Club for Men commercial. One of the reasons Bob McNair hired Gary Kubiak, is because Gary told him that he could make David Carr a good quarterback. We were stuck with David Carr for another season.

Fast forward to present day. Matt Schaub, the guy with the noodle arm that flaps in the wind like, “Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man”. I can totally see Bob and Rick asking the new coach to give Schaub a fair shot, if he does the unpredictable.

They might as well bring back Gary if that’s the case.

Yes, friends, I know… It’s really going to be up to the new coach who starts at QB. But let me vent here, because I’m not done yet.

After watching the offensive line give up sack after sack to opposing defenses on Case Keenum, you have to believe that defenses are not afraid of Case picking apart their secondary. Which tells us that Matt Schaub gives up a better chance to win. Teams blitz less and play the pass against Schaub, because you know – Pick 6…

Schaub is a veteran and has been with this team for way too long. He may find away to ignite this offense. He might even try to go Sexy Rexy Grossman on Denver’s secondary.

What a sight that would be – What’s that Dennison? You want me to hit Dennis Johnson in the flat? Pfftt, I don’t even know who that guy is! Hopkins on the curl? PLEASE SON! Where’s AJ at? That’s right deep post route! My arm is a cannon though, and AJ isn’t as fast as he once was, so I better under throw this bad boy! Here it comes AJ! YOU’RE MY BOY BLUE!

Back to my point. If Schaub somehow pulls off a win on Sunday with that arm of his, it’s going to screw our draft position. Now, I’m not crazy about anyone that is projected to go number one overall. But I do want my pick of the litter.

We don’t know anything about Rick Smith as a GM, if you really think about it. It was never said, but Gary ran the show. A clear cut evaluation of him as a GM, would be how he handles this draft.

The last thing we need, is some spectacular fluke performance by Schaub, that ultimately dictates the way this team handles their offseason.

The City of Houston deserves better than this Mickey Mouse back and forth, at the quarterback position. I’m afraid if it trends into next season, there will be an all out riot. Houstonians taking their frustrations to the streets. Buildings will be burned! Mace will be sprayed! Batons will be twirled!

When the chaos ends and dust settles, and we open our eyes, we are no longer in Houston. We are in DETROIT!

The quarterback position is hands down the most important position in the game of football. The last thing I want is a ripple effect, that could haunt this franchise for years.

We know that Schaub is not our guy. Let’s get him out of here, before anymore damage is done.