The Houston Texans will take on the Jacksonville Jaguars tonight in Jacksonville, Florida. You can catch the game on either NFL Network or ABC. Kickoff is at 7:25 p.m.
Yes, that’s right, gang. It’s the battle for the bottom. The rematch of the 2013 Season: The Bridgewater Bowl. What’s there to discuss? These two teams are awful. Time to see who’s the awful-est. The Texans and the Jaguars will be competing for what is essentially a brand new, shiny quarterback for their respective organizations.
Let’s be real here, people: we need this loss. We need it badly. I know we want a win badly but this is not the game to fight for that W. The Texans will (finally) be mathematically eliminated from the playoffs and give us some peace of mind to those still clinging to that worthless bit of hope, they’ll practically guarantee themselves the number one overall draft pick and we can root for them to win guilt-free for the entire remainder of the season… if they can just be themselves and lose tonight.
When we lost to Jacksonville the first time and I was thinking about the upcoming rematch, my mind immediately went to the scene in ‘Sergeant Bilko’ where Steve Martin is telling the story of how he rigged a boxing match to have both fighters purposefully trying to lose. So when the match starts the fighters are both just dancing around the ring and not throwing any punches and the audience flips out. I imagine this game is going to be similar. Let the hilarity ensue.
There is absolutely zero benefit for the Texans to win this game. In fact, winning would only hurt us. The only way a win is a good thing for this team is if Case Keenum leads us there by turning into Peyton Manning’s long lost brother who just so happens to have Tom Brady’s arm and accuracy. Sorry, but I’m not holding my breath.
I mean honestly, even if the Texans were trying to legitimately win for a purpose, they couldn’t beat Jacksonville at home in Reliant, what on earth has this team shown any of us to make us think they can beat the Jags on their own turf in Florida? In fact, if we do lose, let’s just skip all the Texans’ game preview posts for the rest of the year and start talking draft, draft, draft. Unfortunately, the Texans have been such a let down this year, that it wouldn’t shock me if they continued to let us down by actually winning this game. But, for consistency’s sake, I’m going to pick the Texans to win so that they may proceed to lose in glorious fashion like they have all year when I’ve predicted them to win easily.
To the loser go the spoils. GAME ON.
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